Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
You cannot "fail" unless someone is measuring. Are you measuring yourself? If so, why? It is logical to self-assess in order to proceed, but attempt to do so with objectivity and kindness.
You are unique, in so many ways – appreciate your differences. 'Relapse' may mean that you were never better in the first place. When you are well, your attitude about people and yourself is not about competition or ‘measuring up' – it becomes about helping to create understanding wherever possible. There are no walls, nor defenses needed – only understanding and compassion, only love and kindness.
“When you genuinely want everyone to be ok,” there is so much room for ‘self’ because, though we are all individuals, we are also all part of the whole. Therefore, giving to others is automatically giving to ourselves. It is important to gently taking the time to allow yourself into the equation of caring, just as you so willingly nurture others. If you honor yourself respectfully, you are giving happiness to others.
It is in the giving that we receive – it is in the receiving that we give.
Enjoy your day.
Peace and hugs.
Dear People - this post is, in part, answering recent comments to my posts, "Top of the Mountain." (Anonymous said..."So if I always have to be objective when do I just get to cry? ..."), and "Time and Healing" (Anonymous said... "... the in between place ...").
Of course, your ‘feelings’ are important and should be validated. But for the best results, check that you motive is to enhance and clarify your understanding – to improve a situation for yourself and others. Respectful communication, though not always possible, is a viable place to begin.
Life can never be 'equal' when measured in competition with others. Our only contest is to realize our own potential - in loving consciousness of our human commonality.
Whatever another’s behavior is, it is relevant to you only in how you interpret it and pertinent, only in how you allow it to affect you. Not one of us is able to be objective in every situation. Allow for this fact in yourself, as well as in the people you interact with. To ‘perfect’, is a work in progress – a learning, a gleaning of wisdom throughout our lives. Therefore, think of each of us as a work in progress.
If you are treated unkindly or hurtfully or if another’s action leaves you troubled or confused, try to check your anger, frustration or impatience. Perhaps it is beneficial to understand the behavior by the motive – not with judgment, but with compassion. It is possible that anyone who feels it necessary to be unkind may be fearful, in pain himself, or, at least, momentarily misdirected in his understanding of his interaction with the universe. Anger can mean several things: fear, insecurity, defensiveness, lack of conviction of one’s own validity, etc. We are all capable of reacting. Though to a certain extent, how you behave is your prerogative, be certain that you will be comfortable with the consequences.
In becoming well, the ‘in between place’ is indeed a difficult space to contend with. You will often be misunderstood as you take your first independent steps. Perhaps, people in your circumstance may find your behavior unpredictable or unusual, for you, and are concerned for your wellbeing. Work with them to indicate that you are beginning to feel safe and have patience as they change gears.
In an ideal world, despite myriad differences, everyone would operate from a base of self-respect. As I comprehend its meaning, inherent in one’s respect for ‘self’ is a respect for others. Living from an ethical premise, automatically, naturally, includes the wellbeing of others. If we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. If we hurt ourselves, we hurt others. When we demean ourselves, it extends to all of us.
Without respect for ‘self,’ it is difficult to gauge appropriate behavior. Without the full realization of ‘self’, it is difficult to appropriately gauge behavior – ours, or that of others.
Whether locally or globally, each of us struggles to understand our environment from the moment we are born, and perhaps before. Each of us struggles to understand ourselves, and our interaction with others within that environment. Ultimately, we all strive for a balanced mind-state, a peace of being that embodies: positivity, acceptance, optimism, understanding, kindness, compassion, love and forgiveness – of ourselves, and others. Ideally, our individual journey proceeds toward the objective of understanding our universe and working in communion with it.
Whatever the experience, each one of us is simultaneously both a student and a teacher. Are you at peace with your interaction with humanity today?
Peace and love you.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
looking around every bit of my body screams wicked loud like the voice in my head which right now is oddly only a murmur. a white board on the wall that matches the cast on my leg says Sunday and i wonder for an instant and then it hits, a hospital room. foggy, foggy, memory, final inning, i've snapped the ball high and straight and i'm running hard, always running toward another something. screams serve to drown the beast in my mind as i dig in harder. the catcher reaches up and in a split second i decide to slide in under rather than eat the dirt. all i hear are cheers but i'm engulfed suddenly by the crack of something else and pain, so much pain and then the dark. voices in the hall now, my brother and another man. "Osteopenia, but she's only 13! What's WRONG with her?" the machine marking out my heartbeats picks up the pace, Mum wakes & the hate i feel toward myself returns. trying to just be normal i search my drugged mind for something to say while the tube interferes with my voice. "did we win, Mum?" "What?" "the game, did we win?" i croak back. tears brim high up to her pupils and she says "of course honey, you're my little winner." and i have to look away, try not to feel her hand in mine because all i can hear is the abrupt laughter of the voice repeating SOME WINNER over and over. and i know NOTHING will be good enough again because now they all know. nothing i can dream to say will be normal so i just get quiet for another twenty some years. and i dare not pray for him to leave me just in case like an ugly virus he would go on to infect someone better than i will ever be.
Yes, and were I to tell you that your writing is extremely moving, my sentiment would, undoubtedly, join the ranks of other compliments you have received, as the negativity in your mind continues to twist a plus into a minus.
You do “dare to pray” for the negative mind to leave you because, though it is definitely ugly, it is not a “virus”. It is a mental construct, a misinformed mindset, which requires re-informing to reform correctly. To say “someone better than i will ever be” confirms the negative pathway in your brain. It is essential to learn to practice positivity and kindness about yourself.
One evening when I was giving a lecture, a therapist in the audience asked me if I had heard the story of a boy in a Native American village, who was walking back and forth talking to himself. When asked by a visitor the reason for this curious behavior, the Shaman answered:
“Inside the mind of the youth, there is a struggle – between the red dog and the blue dog.”
p.s. you are loved.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
In history, there are many individual examples of the human spirit rising above the norm for the betterment of the universal good.
They are my guides.
Currently, there are those of you whose selfless consideration of others, excludes your “self” in the recipe.
You are my inspiration – my work.
Your extraordinary potential needs to be brought to a place of balance, wholeness, understanding, self-respect, serenity, peace and love.
Time, in itself, is irrelevant. It is an allotted space where we conduct life – where our journey continues, resolved or semi-resolved, realized or not, to the end of our days. Each journey is a collection of jours, each day a page for you, the writer, to dictate your own story. It is a blessed opportunity to learn from and appreciate, even though you may not feel or realize it at the time. Be open to change if you wish it. Try not to be fearful. Each moment is a gift to learn more about yourselves, your actions, your reactions and then, to evaluate your further course.
The time it takes to heal is as easy, or as difficult, as it is to learn a new language. This learning depends upon the dedication to your direction, acceptance of yourself – at whatever stage you find yourself on your unique voyage – focus, understanding, and the willingness to step outside of what you know of yourself at that moment. It depends, as well, on the vision, consistency and compassion of your chosen teacher(s).
Time, then, and healing, can be measured only in relation to self-acceptance, not to be compared with others. We are always growing in our capacity for compassion and human understanding. When the pain lessens, as it will, you will still grow, you will become one with your “self”, easily – in this lifetime
Remember, each one of us is a necessary and precious piece of the conundrum and wisdom of the universe.
Peace and love.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Dear Jennifer – in answer to your question:
The negative mind exists in memory, from what it has gleaned about you, inadvertently, from you, as a result of your perceptions about yourself, initially derived from feelings you have had in your particular circumstance.
Sometimes, sensitive children are negatively affected when families experience personal tragedy, illness or loss. These children have not yet a reference for strength against adversity and become mired in helplessness without available respite or positive resolution. Sometimes, parents themselves have not had the benefit of a positive environment and, as a result, are incapable of managing their own direction or knowing how to show love, or how to be a healthy parent.
Unfortunately, a young child does not have the ability to choose, to regulate, to defend against, to discount or approve – what he is subjected to emotionally by tone, by circumstance, by body language, word or action. The infant or young child looks to his primary caregiver to serve as a guide for direction and comfort – for indication that the world is a safe place to be in. Initially, anxiety states occur when there is a deficit or an inadequacy in reassurance or, in the nurturing of the developing brain. Parental regulation and approval is basic and mandatory for a child’s emotional growth and, ultimately, for the acceptance of his developing self.
If the potentially positive direction of a child’s world has been compromised, the child is at serious risk of assuming a negative self-regard and identity. As the child continues to grow, he can unconsciously seek evidence to support or verify his detrimental self-belief, even while simultaneously hoping desperately for someone to contradict his bleak negative supposition. This thinking becomes the status quo – the way of being.
Fortunately, though it is initially resistant, the brain can change.
The thinking is resistant because its existing way of being has, most likely, taken a lifetime to develop.
It is resistant because the sufferer doesn’t think he deserves better.
It is resistant because the sufferer is convinced that, “if people really knew him”, they would realize how terrible he is deep down.
The thinking is resistant because the sufferer has felt this way for so long, it is all he knows of himself, despite how demeaning it is.
It is resistant – to change because it is a thinking pattern that has become established and familiar. He can’t imagine who he would be without it.
Though it is terrifying to live in this negative place, the unknown is often also terrifying. In order to maintain its status, the negative mind will threaten, insult and demean in its attempt to weaken one’s resolve. When the existing negative mind feels threatened, it doubles its efforts to maintain control. The consequence to the sufferer can be a temporary loss of courage. To stay ahead of the negative mind takes patience, persistence, practice, vision, understanding and resolve. Eventually, with unconditional support and compassion from those in your world, the brain will retrain itself and the negative will simply cease to exist. It is harder than anything you will ever do, but it is possible and the results mean freedom and peace.
Know that you are understood and loved. You are special.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Much love and have a wonderful day.