The Inside

Last week we were discussing the subject of Ethics. I have just remembered a good example of the courage to stand firm despite consequences which might not always be pleasant. For me, sometimes, movies are a good way of teaching concisely what I might be long-winded in saying.

Russell Crowe played in the movie Insider. His personal ethic would not allow him to cover up a crime, a white-collar crime against humanity. His character was a good example of what I mean of being true to one's self--one's internal ethic. The reality is that to ultimately be at peace with one's self, it is necessary to have a self, to have developed a self--and then to honor it. This is a journey we begin when we are born, and hopefully realize in time to enjoy our lives. To deny what you know is right for you in the way you are in the world, means to live externally, bowing to other people's opinions, any given societies' mores, pressure of convenience--therefore compromising your own potential--your own individual possibility. Follow your own good sense--your emotional intelligence--the only stipulation being to respect and not harm yourself and others.

Have patience with your journey. Know that I love you.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

Happy Easter Everyone.

Introduction to the 'Negative Mind'

Confirmed Negativity Condition (CNC) is the culmination of negative thoughts against oneself inadvertently established in the brain. From this is derived the ‘negative mind’ which is the action arm of CNC (as is a verb to a noun).

With the resulting relentless, unforgiving attack against the 'Actual Mind,' the potential host person becomes progressively diminished into submission and ultimately, emotional ‘slavery’.

The sufferer becomes extremely subjective, as is a child naturally. Hand in hand with this is the recognition that subjectivity engenders limited logic, irrationality, to some of the most brilliant people on our planet. In the misguided perceptions of their minds, they feel both guilty and responsible for the plight of mankind: global warming, world hunger, crimes against humanity, the economic crisis, and people’s addictions etc. The ‘Negative Mind’ pretends friendship—it becomes the known—the status quo—as it tightens its grip and wages its civil war.

The 'Actual Mind' realizes the existence of the two minds even in its seeming inability to struggle free. Despite the apparent hopelessness of this condition, given that it is generated from a psychological construct, it must then be reversible. The 'Actual Mind,' with kind persuasion, positivity, constant reassurance, and as much monitoring as the individual is able to allow, will, in most cases, lend itself to anyone sincerely wishing to unite in its support. That it was reversible was my thinking years ago when faced with the situation of my daughters’ illnesses. Now, I know it to be true.

Please keep hope and possibility in your minds--either as sufferers or loved ones of sufferers.

We are all angels with but one wing,

And only by embracing each other can we fly.

~ Luciano de Crescenzo

My Dearest Hope

(excerpt from The Secret Language of Eating Disorders)

It is my dearest hope that the wider public can come to understand the true nature of Confirmed Negativity Condition (CNC) and the manifesting eating disorders that arise from it. Sadly, the perils caused by CNC extend beyond its sufferers. All too often, families and other loved ones are tortured by the mistaken belief that they are somehow the cause of the sufferer's condition. They feel guilty, devastated. Families are destroyed, unnecessarily.

Once the public understands the true nature of eating disorders, then the crushing onus of blame will be lifted from sufferers and their loved ones, freeing them to focus on recovery.

Although sufferers of CNC (and resulting eating disorders) have been subject to negative caricatures of selfishness and victimhood, they are in reality purveyors of the most positive virtues available to humankind. These are lives to be cherished. Sensitivity and caring are not new in man. Poets and artists throughout the ages have described and ached for humanity. What is disturbing is the frequency and intensity with which this caring manifests itself in eating disorders in our contemporary global reality.

Each CNC sufferer I have met has been uniquely loving and has possessed uncommon courage. I have been pained by the thought that their lives have been so readily discounted. My hope is that we will build bridges among all of us united in this endeavor. I have the greatest belief in the commonality of our cause, the human conundrum.

The poet A.E. Houseman said it thus:

If truth in hearts that perish

Could move the powers on high,

I think the love I bear you

Should make you not to die.

The Secret Language of Eating Disorders

(some words from my first book)

For most people, eating disorders are a great mystery of our time: an enigma to the medical and psychological professionals as well as to those who have had to live with the bizarre and often tragic behavior of its victims and the sufferers themselves to cannot explain their actions. Paradoxically, much of the mystery has arisen less because we lack the knowledge or wisdom to understand what drives people to destroy themselves, but because we are all too ready to explain their behavior in some of the most authoritative and misleading clichés of our culture.

In a world so fixated on images, so prone to reward selfishness, so ready to equate success with self-promotion, it is hardly surprising that eating disorders are often construed as simple vanity taken to an extreme.

I believe that these conditions and the behaviors they engender can be fully understood, provided one takes the necessary steps to look beyond the obvious. There can be an understanding of how the interplay of social situations and psychological dispositions lead people to this particular “rational irrationality.”

My hope is that we can continue to enable, by therapeutic process, these victims to create a new interpretation of their world so that they see that self-destruction—the unconscious impulse toward suicide that lies beneath the symptoms of eating disorders—is no longer a necessary response to their misperceived role in society.

To all of my dear friends who have faced these behaviors and succeeded, I applaud you. To all of my dear friends who are still struggling today, I share with you the hope that you can and will be well.

Much love,

Peggy Claude-Pierre

Reality is Moderation

Guilt need not be a burden if it is understood in the context of its reality--its positivity. How could that possibly be--say you! It is only when it is served up in self-condemnation and held on to pointlessly long that it loses its meaning--its direction--its usefulness.

Follow me on a little journey.

Over time each one of us forms a set of personal ethics that are not necessarily determined by, or consistent with, the mores of the times--our social context. Hopefully, our ‘characteristic spirit,’ our ‘personal disposition,’ therefore, our ETHIC is such that honesty, kindness, empathy, courage, and positivity--even if it isn't the norm, can stand firm. So--guilt is useful only to reflect the honor of our personal ethic momentarily--to remind us of who we really are. Then, we can act accordingly. In normal self-development, guilt is not meant to paralyze and overwhelm us with confusion, inaction, or despair. Ultimately, it should move us to positive action, to gently correct that which does not comply with our internal core--our understanding of our SELF. The intention of guilt should be to remind us, to bring us back to the moderate, ethical expectation we have of ourselves. So…guilt is only a minor, corrective tool of our conscience—which is the necessary, steadier, companion-friend to our ethic.

Here is an example: a six year old child in grade school comes home with the flu. Her three year old sister subsequently, three days later, gets the flu badly. The six year old child can hardly sleep, tells stories to the three year old, stays with her to make her feel better and to assuage the guilt of having brought home the flu. This is typical of CNC-distorted thinking (Confirmed Negativity Condition) .

The balance is disrupted when guilt becomes a way of life. CNC sufferers often feel extreme guilt around circumstances that they can't control. Apologizing for someone else's anger, always trying to mediate, always trying to take the blame, being sorry for everything, all the time, becomes a way of life.

As is necessary in everything we do, it is important to learn and practice moderation. Reality is moderation. Moderation is reality. Extremes are dangerous, damaging, and dysfunctional. Lend a thought to what you do today. Does it make common sense?

I send sunshine energy your way today.

Love you,

Peggy Claude-Pierre

Kind Interpretation

One of the helpful ways not to blame others is to consider their motivation as individuals. We can then realize the SO many variables behind each interaction. This could be our first thought instead of reacting to a questionable or abnormal behavior.

One's behavior usually describes himself--his understanding of "self" at the moment. Negative behavior can be a shallow description of what is really happening within the emotional mind of the individual. What he needs from the interaction is usually much deeper and takes, hopefully, kind interpretation. When comprehension is not immediately available to us, it will serve us well to give the individual the "benefit of the doubt." The need for attention, the need for solace, a panic or anxiety reaction--be it aggressive, introverted, condescending, hurtful, shameful, or manipulative--all indicate an understanding (or lack thereof) of one's level of peace within one's self and that of their harmony with humanity--emotional maturity. Others can still be on the road to that possibility and with compassion and empathy from us, that possibility becomes a probability. Hopefully, with enough stability and encouragement, this can become a surety.

Most anti-social, unsuitable behaviors indicate a lack of self knowledge (self love). Negatively reacting to a negative reaction leaves a mess of consequences which ultimately require a positive response to make those involved feel balanced with their day and each other. Consider that a young child is hungry, has not had ample sleep, misses his parents because one or the other is away, a parent was impatient or angry, one of them has become ill, parents are focusing on the new baby, he cannot handle the sleepover after all and he left his teddy bear at home.....So.....reacts in fear. Emotional maturity allows us to immediately assess and respond with kindness and empathy with the consequence of a return to feelings of security for the child. Emotional immaturity in us, can result in a reaction to a reaction, which will build on the interim of insecurity and will have the affect of destablizing the child for future interactions--thus creating the beginnings of the anxiety of negative expectations for the next time.

With children, it is easier for us to respond, to evaluate the motive behind the behavior. With adults, we have more expectation, less tolerance, less willingness to understand, forgive or empathize, more scorn if behavior is odd or out of place. Oftentimes, we expect chronological age--adulthood--to be on par emotionally. The reality is, that many adults have been emotionally blocked at a young age and are valiantly trying to live despite this blockage. They are attempting to contend with and to understand and control their environment from a absolutely terrifying internal place, a maze, that no amount of societal-friendly accolades--(example, scholastic honors) can console.

If we can accept that life is a struggle to gain and maintain a foundation to allow progress on each our own path; that there is no competition except to attain our own peace, first, within ourselves and then, to spread outwards to others, we can allow each interaction to reflect our love and hope to find and inspire the good in everyone.

Love and Peace. Enjoy your day,

Peggy Claude-Pierre