Responding vs Reacting

Hey People; big hugs.

A question repeats itself in the emails you have sent me so I will write you on the subject of blame over the next few days. Blame is often tied to guilt. Guilt deserves its own emphasis, so I will concentrate on that some days later.

Come from a place of love and realize that no one who is at peace with himself wants anything but good to come from any interaction. Each of us has the gift of many opportunities every day to create a bit of happiness and good will in the world.

Understand life as a journey of emotional intelligence-tempered by logic-leading to emotional maturity. We can evaluate our level of emotional maturity by our ability to respond rather than to react. To not react does not mean to not validate one's emotions. There are healthy ways of doing so in a manner that usually becomes a shortcut to a successful outcome.

The way a person reacts or responds generally reflects their own sense of self (or lack thereof), not yours. If you are unhappy with yourself for reacting, in action or word against yourself or others, then it is helpful to look at what state of mind you are beginning from. If you let go of fear of being hurt, no one can hurt you. If you come from no ego, empathy and compassion will allow you to respond rather than to react. In the end, you have done yourself a service. You will feel better. Happiness will course through you in a positive mind-body experience. Build on it.

By the same token, when someone reacts in anger, offensiveness, blame, disrespect in interaction with you, they are showing you, not necessarily who they are but where they are at on the journey to emotional awareness-emotional maturity. Again, it is not up to us to judge anyone unkindly, but rather, for our own growth, to evaluate their abilities to interact positively. Certainly, if there is a way we can turn a reaction from another to a positive response--we are all winners. Body and mind chemicals are healthier, we are happier all around.

We have no control over the universe, only the possibility of positive response from our inner core-our 'actual self'. Life is full of the unexpected, where spontaneity and flexibility will be better friends to us than our plans have ever been.

You might have fun evaluating your own ability to respond (rather than to react) in interactions. Like you, I face this challenge everyday and still have much to learn.

Please feel free to share your experiences, they are always welcome.

love,

Peggy

The Depth of the Valley

I talked recently about objectivity…but….seeing the whole picture, standing on the mountain, is just half of the equation. To appreciate the view, to value true peace of heart and mind, in retrospect, it is necessary also to understand and have patience while in the valleys. When you are in the midst of the valleys, the mountains can look so high. I ask you to stop and appreciate this moment. Though you may currently be in a valley, there is something positive to be learned here. Everything we experience will have its place in our future wisdom.


The fertile valleys, sediment, can be likened to the subjective state of mind, governed by fear-- soil is toil. It is the learning that any seed can grow and endure, but it is also the “how” that is important. We sometimes lack windows. Life becomes wretched and paralyzing. We wear blinders that are painful to discard. We have experiences that make us feel more than we are able to support, more than we are emotionally prepared for. We have subjective and ultimately, unnecessary, engagement with anything negative or everthing perceived as negative. Life, dear friends, is full of experiences. I’d like to remind you that situations come and go from the minute we are born. It is understanding how to be at peace in those interactions that is important—never is it about who is right or wrong.


Pain and anger come from fear instead of love. Climbing out of the valleys means letting go of that fear—embracing the idea that every experience, whatever it is, leads to growth, peace and love—and in the end—wisdom.

The Top of The Mountain

Usually what I post here is related to questions I am asked by one or some of you. My answer to several of these questions is simple, "exercise objectivity." I'd like you each to feel free to question anything I say. Good discussion is stimulating. Please allow me to write today and clairify some of what I mean when I use the word "objectivity."

Objectivity is a view of everything-- it's the view from the top of the mountain--the place where you can see the whole picture--explained as a response rather than as a reaction--with logic and tempered emotion, yet validation of feelings. It is taking into account the circumstance, the motivation, the genetics (sensitivity levels), and the evaluation of emotional maturity.

Evaluation is more likely to represent a common understanding of reality and usually a kinder one. It is not valuable to judge. Judgement can be subjective, one-dimensional, non-productive and hurtful to all involved. Ultimately, evaluation can exist for the elevation of our personal self--not in competition with others; rather, to realize our own potential; to attain better understanding of our essential self to promote positive forward motion.

We are each on our individual journey and how we interact with another would ideally be with respect. A response gives us choice in our decision in an interaction. A reaction leaves us a puppet of the other's emotions, confused and frustrated, and, of course, no closer to rectifying the situation. For example, a dear young girl I know has a mother who inadvertently sees herself as a worthless. She calls her daughter as a confidant of her frustrations. This daughter cares deeply about her mother. For years the daughter was incapable of understanding the ramifications of her role as confidant. She became increasingly depressed with most interactions she had with her mother because she was simply reacting to the situation. The reaction was to be hurtful to herself because of her helplessness in her relationship with her mother. Eventually she enlisted adult help for her mother so that it was not her responsibility as a child to ensure her mother's well being. The child's connection with her mother is in its proper place, and the child can continue her emotional growth.

Objectivity permits acceptance of ourselves as part of the whole; that if we are at war with one another we are at war with ourselves. Objectivity depends on emotional maturity and promotes empathy, compassion, understanding and respect for differences--with love instead of fear.

Love is freedom.

Hugs,

Peggy

Don't Feel Defeated

Good Morning Everyone!

I'm so honored to be in touch with such amazing people. I have heard some very sad stories again lately. Thank you for your incredible courage, though your mind is creating havoc for you.

Your feelings are always valid. However, let's make them work for, instead of against, you. For those of you who feel hopeless, let's work together towards a positive direction. Take one small, beautiful point that you see in each day, and expand upon it.

I'd like to share some wisdom that was given to me by my father several years ago. It has never stopped giving me inspiration. He was such a hero. Once when I think I was feeling sorry for myself because I had fallen from my bike, he picked me up and hugged me, and he said something similar to this:

"You're crying because one sad thing has happened to you today. Turn that around. Until twelve sad things have happened to you, don't feel defeated." So obviously, I never felt defeated. "Instead, take twelve chances each day and see how you can make the world a better place for others."

I don't always succeed. But I sure have a great time trying. Don't be defeated by another's journey through this lifetime if it conflicts with your gentle, inner core. Be yourself--join me in surrounding yourself with positivity and love.

Channel of Charity

I was searching my bookshelves this morning and found myself reaching for the lessons of Saint Francis. The book opened to a page that said what I was thinking better than I ever could:

"Freed by forgiveness and energized by love, you can be the channel of charity, compassion and grace in a hard and needy world."

Doing this blog is a new experience for me and somewhat unfamiliar. Thank you for your encouragement of helping me help you. There are many sufferers who have been writing to me regularly. Every letter I receive reaffirms my belief in what I am thinking and doing.

In other words, my belief in YOU.

I have received as many positive emails as desperate ones. Thank you for your kindnesses. And remember what I have always realized and have had confirmed in the years between my first book and the one to come. Thank you...but I am merely a platform to profile your specialness. I believe in you and your kindness with every thought of every day. This blog is for you, and how I may help you feel more comfortable in your day-- in your week --in your month-- and, ultimately, and most importantly-- in the strength of yourself. You are never a nuisance, not a bother. Thank you for teaching me so much in your wisdom even through your pain.

Together, let's make the world an even better place. Please feel free to send me any ideas you have, stories you'd like to share, or thoughts of the day.

Our Vision

Our vision for this site to have the strength to gather together world wide to spread kindness, compassion, possibility, empathy and love despite adversity; to appreciate and understand each individual within his or her perspective; to be our brother's keeper as well as our own; to create a wider understanding and acknowledgement of sensitive minds-to prevent them pain; to be grateful to those role models who already live in this wisdom and to have patience with the others of us who strive and aspire to it.

Welcome.

With love,

Peggy Claude-Pierre