After a lecture I had just given, some years ago, I was speaking with a woman who had been waiting in line to meet me. Her eyes were filled with tears. She was forty-two years old and she had been suffering from CNC—hating herself since she was a child—since “before the age of ten.” She said, “You are talking about me. What you described tonight is inside my head—is me--but look, I appear normal. I am not an anorexic. I feel so ashamed, and I loathe myself as much as anybody possibly could. So, does this mean that you do not treat people like me—that I am undeserving of that kind of caring?”
Subsequently, I became more aware, that though I had primarily been dealing with people with eating disorders, the subject was really much bigger and broader than I had ever supposed. I was a little perturbed at myself that I had focused so markedly on the symptoms of eating disorders rather than placing more emphasis on 'Confirmed Negativity Condition' and that hosts such manifestations using the 'Negative Mind'.
Many more people came forward in the next few years discussing themselves, or their child, describing a similarly, powerful, negative mindset without an obvious symptom. One example particularly, stands out in my memory. I met parents who had an exceptionally artistic son who had a history of ivy-league schooling. He had compiled pictures that painted his internal agony. Though he seemed never able to explain their meaning when asked, he kept making these black and white depictions evident to them. His parents were distraught with their child’s obvious anguish and had no idea what it meant, and therefore, no idea of how to help. He was not able to ask for their support in any other way than to make them aware of his pain through his drawings. He was not anorexic--rather, his drawings illustrated his inner turmoil.
I have recently received several other similar letters—stories. It brings me to the realization that I have to make one point very clear: There are many manifestations of CNC.
‘Confirmed Negative Condition’ can exist as wickedly or as profoundly with the ‘Negative Mind’ as its tool, without obvious symptoms. Many incredibly sensitive people around you live in quiet agony. Many write to me. I hear you.
Thank you for your help. Thank you for caring about humanity and for trying to do something about it. Thank you for your positivity and your inspiration. I love you all.
As a darling girl told me today, "You never know how strong you are - until being strong is the only choice you have."