Friday, April 16, 2010

Responsible for the World


Dear Friends,

I remember a very little girl telling me years ago, just as we started the clinic, that the pain in her head was so frightening that sometimes she did not know what to do, but to let me hold her. I said, “Darling, I wish I could take that nasty voice out of your head right now and put it in mine, because I am not at all afraid of it, and I would scare him away forever.”

She started to cry inconsolably and scream, holding on to me so tightly, “No! No! No! Don’t ever let him into your head! No, I can’t ever let him hurt you—you are too nice! Don’t ever say that, don’t ever invite him in, he says he will never go away. He will hurt you too much.”

I remember being shocked at the intensity of her fear and pain. It made me realize, yet again, how so very terrifying this inner, controlling voice of the ‘Negative Mind’ was (and is—in others), and how responsible for the world these sufferers feel.

Here are some recent examples of the power of the ‘Negative Mind’ and of how kind and caring about other people these sensitive individuals are--and why it is impossible not to love them or ignore their cause.

“I don't think I'm a martyr at all. It's just that the world hurts and I have to help shift it. Maybe that's naive or even inept. I've tried my whole life to figure this out and nothing changes, except the world seems to hurt more. I know some people just feel this, because I can sense that when I meet them, it's just that it's very uncommon. It seems some of us were created to absorb the pain for others so they will hurt less.

“But it makes me sad that you do know [the secret language] - in some ways because I feel like for you to know you had to experience this pain on some level. I worry that if I opened up to anyone that for them to understand the depths of this...they would have to feel it on some level. I would not willingly allow anyone anywhere near this. Never.”

These sentiments keep me humble. I am honored that I have the opportunity and the mandate to make their ‘actual’ voices heard.

Please help me to positively profile these people who are silently suffering.

Thank you and have a wonderful day.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Peg! ;) and everyone else…!
For me I have come to understand that this is the one thing that is absolutely crucial to learn how to live with to be completely well and happy, I reckon at least. To absorb and taking on other peoples pains and sufferings is as I see it the greatest gift you can get, HOWEVER at the same time it´s also the worst kind of hell to go through before you learn how to react to your instincts to save the world. It humbles you and it makes it hard to ever judge others for their choices or actions. It also makes it unbearable to live a normal life and to be happy before you understand why you feel the way you do.
To carry the whole worlds sorrow on your shoulders is impossible to do, no matter what. it´s extremely heavy to bear, it´s really hard to explain to others how you feel cause you don´t know anything else but this, you´re terrified it´s contagious so you isolate yourself...it´s a silent pain and it´s always going to be there in some way, but it´s not always going to be as painful...
I consider myself quite well today, but I still feel peoples pain and grief just as much and just as intensely as when I was really sick. It hurts and I cry. but when I feel that kind of pain I try to remember that, yes I will recognize this pain but I will not let it defeat me, because if I do that then what’s the point of it all? I then try to think about the person carrying the pain, is there anything I can do reasonably to help this person? And if so, am I strong enough to help? I then consult a friend or someone close to get an outside perspective because I know that my perspective might not be the reality. I don´t know, it works for me…
The most important thing is to remember that it is possible to live with this, and when you do, it´s the greatest gift you can give to the world! :)
And also, that if you destroy yourself, it´s impossible to help anyone else...ever!
I know many of you going through the same thing as I did, and I think about your pain everyday and wish I could make it go away at this instant!
Lots of love
Michaela

Anonymous said...

Dear Michaela,
Thank you for your words. I have read them all and I hear you. I am not at a place where anyone knows how bad this is save maybe, Peggy and another. I'm trying to hold on and believe. It's quite a lot to juggle with the other stuff I must do.
I feel too vulnerable to say more right now, but I wanted to thank you for reaching back. I'm glad you aren't haunted by this anymore.
You are loved.

Anonymous said...

hi there sweetie,
i know your pain, i really do and i know how it can take your breath away...i understand how much it numbs you and how dark and lonely that place is....i truely do...and i wish i could spare you from the hell of trying to figure out the world and understand your own priceless value as a human being. you are a very caring and sensitive person...from the bottom of my heart, i really wish i could make it all right again for you...if you want you are welcome to contact me if you need any support or just someone to talk to.
you can write to me at michaelaek@hotmail.com if you feel like it and wants to of course...:)
please don´t give up! you will be surprised to see the world through YOUR eyes once you´re well and not HIS!..it´s fantastic!and it´s absolutely possible...!it´s like going from being color blind to seeing every little shift of color in the world....!!it´s quite overwhelming at first, but you will love it!
please take care of yourself or let someone take care of you when you´re unable to do it yourself.promise?
lots of hugs
michaela

Anonymous said...

There are enough real terrors in the existing world of the mind without exploring or inviting the fantasies of horror films. Resultingly, I've nerver been able to watch ominous films of evil as I'm too aware of the horrors that are whirling about us. Giving love and positive energy is often misread, and the unfortunate twist in nature of those who read ill, rather than being open to positivity, makes the want to impart loving, reassuring energy a tricky business. Those who are least able to empathize comprise the more dangerous. The imposers of negativity, the ill doers, at times seem more plentiful then the sensitive "caring", and as such I've spent much of my career trying to influence the common person to know and do good, as being a rider of fences is not good enough. Putting the message out there in a real voice seems a positive measure if anything is to improve. Remember, just one person helped with kindness and love is worth it all. I'm hoping there is a way to change CNC to CPC without taking the negative voices of evil into one own lifestream, but rather by breaking it's deathgrip on the inflicted.
With love T.

Anonymous said...

Dear Michaela,
You're very sweet to offer that. Sebastian is fortunate to have such a dear auntie.
Nobody's ever taken care of me in this way. It's as if everyone understood that because I could take things on, I didn't need anything. So the very thing that has helped so many has and is cutting me off.
I'm on a bit of overload, trying to believe any of this is even happening or real at all. Maybe in time.

Be Well Sweet One.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, on the last comment there are two corrections: "never" in place of nerver; and "one's" in place of one.
Smile on, hugs to all:)
T

wornoutlove said...

i think what makes things so difficult for others on the outside is that the truth of love and giving is apparent; what may not be apparent is the price the giver is paying. the two are so disparate as to make one believe that there may be nothing wrong at all with the giver until things are quite grave and even then people seem to be mystified. it takes a special person to realize the truth of the situation, because the sufferer inexplicably goes beyond a place of ability to ask for help. one becomes so effective at keeping others at peace that they will go to great lengths to avoid another seeing their own very real suffering. if the person won't ask for assistance, what then? how can people even know or help? and if the manifestation is an eating disorder and people have recognized that but nobody is doing anything because it's 'none of their business' or 'they're an adult, what they do to their body is their problem'. if one is surrounded by those kinds of responses then what?
to me it seems a cycle of inadvertent blame, where the conflict of shame becomes so large that the one suffering goes into oneself because there isn't a way out that won't hurt someone, and the internal rules say it absolutely isn't allowed.

WOL

Shoshana said...

Reading this I had tears in my eyes. I can relate to that little girl. I don't wish this upon ANYONE....not even for a day!! As I see some of the above comments.....I do hope there is light and freedom at the end of the darkness. - Sho

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear Michaela,

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words. Such light energy could set cities aglow. It feels so good to be in such compassionate company. Love you.

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...
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Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dearest T,

From a place of emotional certainty and stability, armed with companions of like-mind--the strength to deal with those less fortunate, less aware minds--comes naturally--with compassion--with the optimism that possibly 'each person is good at his core'.

I do agree with you that given that the mind is open to suggestion and in its instablity is always somewhat vulnerable to the mores of the time, one should perhaps not risk putting himself in a place of negative influence. Much love.

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear WOL,

I , we, will always do our best to make more people understand--to make you heard because your voice is not allowed to speak your pain in a way that can offer you personal respite. Even here, you write to clarify things for other people anonymously--not for your own benefit. What a conundrum, what a quandry for those who would love you.

There should be no blame for --being sensitive? There is no shame--in being too kind to burden others?

Internal rules can change. There is a way out without hurting others. For me, and the people I know, helping this exceptional population only makes us richer.

People like you continue to inspire me and confirm my belief in humanity.

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Sho,

There IS light at the end of the tunnel. Believe it honey.

Anonymous said...

it's a bit like having leprosy.
the one afflicted wants on some level to be held, to have comfort, but the overriding conflict is that it will only hurt those who do the holding.
if i knew how to erase those images from my mind i might be able to reach past.
if i knew for certain i wouldn't hurt other people yet again then the possibility could be imagined.

thank you for what you're doing for others. you matter in a big way.

with love...

Anonymous said...

Shoshana,

PLEASE do not believe my struggle is a reflection of your own reality. i've had an ED for around thirty years and that's nobody elses fault. i'm sorry if something i wrote upset you.
please take care.

love,
WOL

Shoshana said...

WOL,
Please don't think anything you wrote upset me. You are SO courageous for sharing! I am only going through my own struggles right now. And to clarify on what I meant when I wrote 'As I see some of the above comments.....I do hope there is light and freedom at the end of the darkness' was that from above comments I do see stories of hope and light. I truly hope that you will find your inner peace and the strength that I believe you have within.

Shoshana said...
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