I was going to name my first book The Language of Eating Disorders, because it is a separate language, one that is obscure to normal logic. But to those who understand what is going on in the mind and the motivation of the behavior, the illogical logic makes so much sense. Shortly before publication, I received a fax from a sufferer asking me, “How do you know the secret that we are not allowed to tell?” So, I immediately changed the title to The Secret Language of Eating Disorders, which was definitely more apt—more appropriate.
The idea of that book was to translate, to all that could not understand at first contact, what eating disorders are all about—their source and what was necessary, from my perception and experience with my own two children, to reverse ‘Confirmed Negativity Condition’.
The sufferers of CNC—eating disorders and other anxiety manifestations—are not allowed to seek help. The ‘Negative Mind’ forbids them the right to bother people because they are not worthy, because in their minds it is ‘their fault’ that they are ‘crazy’, ‘worthless’, ‘selfish’, ‘needy’, reliant, ugly, fat, useless, etc. When they do, somehow, reach out, they are immediately punished, often unmercifully. Everything they do has to be with some compromise to the ‘Negative Mind’. If he or she does not comply with the order of the ‘internal enemy’, it can (in the mind of the sufferer) even threaten the well-being family members. Because the victims of CNC are so caring about everyone else, the threats, depending on the individual, relate to that individual’s biggest anxieties. In reality, at least from the sufferer’s point of view, they are held emotional hostage by the ‘internal enemy’. In my experience, the only way to relieve them of that responsibility is for the therapist (or other carers), with the patient’s agreement, to become the negotiator and the mediator, to assume responsibility for the interim, until the individual begins to regain his or her strength.
If this mind-state is not recognized by the therapist, I cannot imagine how he or she can experience success.
I hope your day is better than the last one. Always look for and find the positive, even if it is elusive. We are there with you. With hugs and so much love.