Saturday, March 13, 2010

Responding vs Reacting

Hey People; big hugs.

A question repeats itself in the emails you have sent me so I will write you on the subject of blame over the next few days. Blame is often tied to guilt. Guilt deserves its own emphasis, so I will concentrate on that some days later.

Come from a place of love and realize that no one who is at peace with himself wants anything but good to come from any interaction. Each of us has the gift of many opportunities every day to create a bit of happiness and good will in the world.

Understand life as a journey of emotional intelligence-tempered by logic-leading to emotional maturity. We can evaluate our level of emotional maturity by our ability to respond rather than to react. To not react does not mean to not validate one's emotions. There are healthy ways of doing so in a manner that usually becomes a shortcut to a successful outcome.

The way a person reacts or responds generally reflects their own sense of self (or lack thereof), not yours. If you are unhappy with yourself for reacting, in action or word against yourself or others, then it is helpful to look at what state of mind you are beginning from. If you let go of fear of being hurt, no one can hurt you. If you come from no ego, empathy and compassion will allow you to respond rather than to react. In the end, you have done yourself a service. You will feel better. Happiness will course through you in a positive mind-body experience. Build on it.

By the same token, when someone reacts in anger, offensiveness, blame, disrespect in interaction with you, they are showing you, not necessarily who they are but where they are at on the journey to emotional awareness-emotional maturity. Again, it is not up to us to judge anyone unkindly, but rather, for our own growth, to evaluate their abilities to interact positively. Certainly, if there is a way we can turn a reaction from another to a positive response--we are all winners. Body and mind chemicals are healthier, we are happier all around.

We have no control over the universe, only the possibility of positive response from our inner core-our 'actual self'. Life is full of the unexpected, where spontaneity and flexibility will be better friends to us than our plans have ever been.

You might have fun evaluating your own ability to respond (rather than to react) in interactions. Like you, I face this challenge everyday and still have much to learn.

Please feel free to share your experiences, they are always welcome.




Anonymous said...

It's sad and difficult to remind yourself these things in the midst of the pain. Too often, abuse, lack of control, feelings of unworthiness, etc... are some of the precursors to eating disorders (not trying to tell you your job). :) So, how do you begin to love yourself and be healthy when sadly you still deal w/these feelings because you still deal w/these people? And, even not dealing w/the people on a daily basis doesn't take the demons out of your head! I don't know how to not react! Even being educated w/a Masters Degree (Psychology & Criminology BS - Masters in Education and Masters in Teaching) I can't seem to make the demons disappear. :(

Diana said...

I learned so much from my days with the Montreux Family, and now that I have my own little family I'm learning even more. My children teach me everyday to practice responding rather than falling into knee jerk reactions. If we could see past the mask that all of us don and trust the Innocent Presence behind the mask, we might stop more often, like we do with little children, to take a breath and reach for understanding. I'm still learning too :)

Mille said...

Dear Peggy,
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. To learn this tool from you have given me so much, and I will practise and practise... It gives so much peace, not only to others, but also to oneself.
Thank you!

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear Diana,

Thank you so much, beautiful lady, for your gentle caring. How fortunate your children are that you realize so much while they are still young. I am convinced that early age has almost everything to do with what happens later. The good news is that this is all truly changeable.

Have a wonderful day and thank you for adding sunshine to mine.

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear Mille,

Thank you for your interest. Hope and optimism are such needed tools to motivate positive change. It is so nice that you look toward possibility and rather what can be than what is not.

Feel free to write any time.


Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear person in pain,

I will try to explain the differences between your achievements (which are the easier thing in life, believe it or not) and where your existing pain is coming from. I am so impressed that despite your internal struggle, you are not bitter.

I can write to you in a general way in a blog or two, or respond privately if you wish. Certainly your email would be kept confidential. You can either send me a comment (which I will not publish) or you can send me an email directly from my profile page.

Much love and I look forward to hearing from you.

Bill Clark said...

Hi Peggy..
It is so good to come here and read your blog, and the comments relating. If I lived to be 120; I could never be able to thank you for ''saving my daughter charlene'' after all the government so-called expert doctors wrote her off and told us to take her home because there was nothing they or anyone could do to save her!!! Than, We found you and your clinic and awesome staff at the Montreux Clinic and we knew right away that you were indeed an ''angel'' and would save our precious daughter. Thank you Peggy, and I think of you so often with praise and admiration. luv ya Bill [and Marilyn in spirit].

Peggy Claude-Pierre said...

Dear Bill, dearest friend,

It is not fair, here I am at the end of my day, with tears running down my cheeks. The pleasure that we have in knowing that your beautiful daughter is well, with her incredible sense of humor and wit, has made us warm every day since. Before she died, Marilyn asked me to mother her child, to give her life, as she could no longer. Her courage, unselfishness, unusual intelligence and efforts to help had left me a mission. Her empathy, compassion, and wisdom have left me a role model to aspire to for the rest of my life. Because of her, and because of your gracious, intelligent encouragement of her, many children have lived. What a legacy you both leave. What a unique darling your daughter is and such a friend to us.

I will yet tell her story.

Love you so much. Biggest, longest hugs from all of us.

CindyK said...

Peggy - You really hit the nail on the head when you say, " If you let go of fear of being hurt,no one can hurt you." This was a real key to recovery for me. Once I finally realized that I had already faced and survived my worst fears, there was nothing left I had to hide from.
Great insights. Lovin' reading your blogs.